cursed_revenge

( TMI for the most part... Read at your own risk! )

P.S.
Remember long ago when I couldn't find a place and shortly after I found a place I asked you if you wanted to move into a house together? Yeah, Remember who shot me down repeatedly? Now its been months and now you want to move into a house? Your sick of living on your own? Your sick of being poor? Nope. Its NOT happening. I don't really care for living in this apartment, but I am quite happy you don't breathe down my neck much anymore and I have my freedom. You had your chance, I will not offer it again now that I am on my own. You may hate living alone, but I quite love it. Find a room mate or something.

1. You borrowed MY suitcase because its free of fur and is clean and practically new. I will not get it back the exact way I gave it since you took it on a plane and I have seen how they treat the luggage but you've been home for a couple of days now, so why do I have to wait to get it back?! I don't want more fur on it and I want it back as I got it and the more you leave it on your floor the more likely its going to get ruined, so fuck you and your "to do list" I'll get it myself and you can piss off!! (I got bitched at for taking back my suitcase)

2. I have Laundry too! I WORK TODAY. I NEED PANTS. Jonathan doesn't work til fucking late tonight and YOU DON'T WORK AT ALL, so who should have priority?? NOT YOU, NOT JON, ME. AND LIKE HELL I AM GOING TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY OR FOLD IT!!!!!!!!!! Especailly fold it!! I DO MY OWN LAUNDRY and NO ON ELSES!! We're all old enough to do our own and fold it, so fold your own fucking clothes!!!! and if you leave clothes in the dryer KNOWING FULL WELL THAT I NEED THE WASHER (that is full with Jon's clothes you put in there), I AM GOING TO THROW YOUR CLOTHES IN A BASKET AND DO MY LAUNDRY... FUCK FOLDING YOURS!!!

3. I Work NIGHTS which means I sleep til 10-11 AM, If you COULD FUCKING BE QUIET TIL THEN THAT WOULD BE NICE!! I could hear the fucking TV upstairs through my closed door crystal clear!! Tone down the E!TrueHollywoodStory show Next time!! Normally, you are like me and don't work til 2:30 and wouldn't be up til 10-1, but hell, just because YOU have today off, doesn't mean I do!!

4. Your on your period. Big Woop. I don't care, I don't wanna know, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Can't you tell I AM MAD AT YOU for #1-3?? Ever since you got home you've annoyed me! I Want my privacy and space back!! FUCK OFF!!!!!

Maybe I am a bitch, but fuck, I have my reasons!

PS
I Like my phone, so get over it. I don't want another one!

Its been awhile since I posted, though I will say that its not from a lack of stuff I could actually write, but rather because I doubt I could and its always about the same person, but then again today is another day about bitching about my sister... though today its mostly on my dad relating to her...

As of late, she's been fighting with a mutual friend, Ryan, and she has been bitching to me non-stop about it. Over and Over she rants about him and its really annoying and I don't want to hear it. If she's trying to win me over to her side, she will never win, for her reasonings are always stupid and I can't stand her. She comes bursting into my room to rant over it too, so I have had little privacy while this whole fight began, But that is over now so I have SOME privacy now... However, she still continues to burst into my room now and then when she feels like it to annoy me... And since this is a secret LJ, I am a bit on edge just writing in it... Last thing I need is her finding out about this.

But yeah.. My beef right now is my father. Sherril is always starting fights and doing the drama queen thing and he always takes her side. If I say anything he butts into the conversation and takes her side, which totally pisses me off. Not only do I not get to say my mind, but I am always interrupted, and you know what? If I were to do it to him, he'd totally bitch me out and say it was rude, but its not rude when he does it to me... He always says that he won't get into our arguments, but he always does it to me, AND he takes her side because she goes all mellodramatic on his ass while I try to keep the whole thing calm... That and the factor that when I try to speak my mind he doesn't tell HER to SHUT UP, he tells me, but cause I will actually listen, but sometimes I wish he'd just fucking let things be!!

Right now I am pissed because he lied and took sherril's side once again. A while ago, I was cleaning out my room and put the Kitty litter box that is in my room (it was an agreement I made to prevent spraying and to be allowed to come back home and still have my cats) in the hallway, but because the boys pace in the hallway and Jonathan was Pacing, he moved it to the workroom. When I was finished cleaning the floor (I still need to vacuum) I noticed the kitty litter box was gone and was quite happy with this since it left a huge area in my room free and wasn't stinking up my room, so I thought I would just leave it there and pretend that I will put it back when I vaccuumed (hence, why I haven't XD ) which was all fine and dandy. It was bliss without the kitty litter box in my room, no cats stinking up my room or anything! Simply Blissful! And a couple of days ago dad noticed it and HE TOLD ME that it was okay for it to be in the work room until we turn the furnace on because once we do that it will stink up the whole house and I told him okay thinking I would move it in a month or whenever he planned to turn on the furnace. However today, Sherril started bitching and moaning that it was in the way, that there shouldn't be a kitty litter box in the work room cuz the cats will piss on the clothing "like they did before" and it should go back in my room and I started to tell here that dad said it was okay -I was cut off here- until the furnace is turned on and I would move it then, but for now I would move it elsewhere in the workroom. But of course, dad pipes up and said he "never said that and that it should be moved cuz it will stink up the house" to which sherril gave her victory smirk and put the kitty litter at my door... Fuck you Sherril.

First off, dad, your a fucking liar!! you said it was fine until the furnace is turned on and because your cheap, that's not until we have a nice snow fall or until it hits during the day -10 or lower since you don't feel the cold with your fucking heater in your room at night...
Second, If I remember correctly, what was occuring with the cats going in the laundry hamper was the fact:
A)No one was doing kitty litter
B)No one was closing the door to the work room to prevent the cats from going in there (still isn't done)
C)No one could be bothered to put clothes away and hampers of clothes (over flowing) are left about (still is a problem today)
D)New Cats are added to the house and/or existing cats were fighting, retaliating to changes, or ill so they began to spray
These were the reasons that the work room got peed in, not the factor that there was a kitty litter box in the work room... especially since there never has ever been one in there! And yeah, now the spraying in the work room stopped, but that hasn't stopped them doing that in the boy's room (obvious reasons why they do it in there) and even occationally in YOUR room SHERRIL, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a kitty litter box elsewhere.. especially in the boy's room. They never really did pee in my room (except in the kitty litter box) now, or before, so I am not worried.. but you know what? I am getting rid of the one in my room and you can go FUCK YOURSELF Sherril if you got a problem with it!! Especially if the rate of them peeing in YOUR room goes up! that is NOT MY PROBLEM!!

Haha, the greatest thing Today though was this Dr. Phil Show that I started watching, which was on a woman like sherril and Dr. Phil was telling her what she's doing wrong and whatnot and how she is being a bitch and its tearing her from the family and making them dislike her, and Sherril turns to me and said it was me who needed to learn from this and I nearly started laughing, I had to leave before I said something I regretted. Yes Sherril, it is I who everyone is talking about cutting ties with. Jonathan, for example is afraid that If he ever moved that if he gave me his address and number that Sherril would find out from me so he plans to tell no one it, and David is always annoyed with sherril because she is always bitching at him and whining about something or other usually he didn't even do....But yes, everyone is going to cut ties with me because I am the one who rants and whines when I don't get my own way, and try to make my siblings wait on me hand and foot because I am too lazy to go get my own food or items. If you had your way, I would imagine we'd be wiping your ass too...

In the end, all I can say is I CANNOT WAIT TO MOVE. I am Jealous of April, Keesha, Josh and anyone else moving! With each passing day I grow more and more frustrated with my family... However, I don't see myself doing what they are doing -moving in together- what I really want to do is move into my own place and be finally free, ESPECIALLY FROM SHERRIL! I want to cut all my ties with her. When I get my new number, its going to be private and I will never tell her where I live... She is and will always be my biggest problem, and I am hoping that when I sever my ties with her, I can finally find who I am. and be me...

Soo, my sister has been telling a mutual friend that she thinks I am a lesbian. Her only reason to coming to this conclusion is because I don't dress very feminine... Well, every time I DO buy something that is feminine, she ends up liking it and I never see it again, so Why should I? I wear jeans and a 'universial' t-shirt because its something she won't take from me, and sometimes she still does steal my jeans... So I really can't win... Not too long ago I bought this outfit that I LIKED, to go out to the bar (it was an excuse to buy it XD I don't usually drink... ), and as I walk out of the store, behind me my sister tells her friend, "Guess who got a new outfit!!" to which she was implying herself, not I. I have had to steal back clothing that I 'lost' to her room, her van, or god knows where else it ends up because she has lent it to friends, or perhaps taken it from me to destroy when I make her mad. There have been times when I had to hide articles of clothing as well so that I would have them to wear myself, but wearing them would mean it would be out for sherril to realise I have it and could cause problems so even that is tricky. It is sad how this little 'game' of my clothing works, It is almost like I have to ask her to wear MY clothing!! I have also on occation, when out with her, fallen in love with articles of clothing, to which she would say something about liking them too, so I do not buy them, because I would end up buying them for her to wear... and there have been occations where she has accused me of buying clothing and hiding them on her so she cannot wear them, when I had not purchased them at all. So, Tell me, If you knew that what you bought was just going to end up on another person, would you buy them?

I really despise her sometimes, my sister.. she is the root of all that bothers me. She stresses me out and makes me so self conscious. There is always something wrong with me, my boobs are too small, I am fat, I am a slut/skank/bitch/etc (I am a virgin BTW). I am scared of others to see my body, as though it is warped, twisted and unnatural. I am not comfortable in my own skin. When out with my friend, April, I was too uncomfortable shopping for clothes for I felt that April may like them... and that is wrong and pathetic. I really wish Sherril would LEAVE and soon... the moment I knew that she would not be there to bother me again, would be a joyous occation, worthy of a celebration! Too often I feel that I will become her. Everyone says we look alike, and when she says she likes something I like, I feel that it is just a sign that I am her shadow. I do not want that with all my heart! I feel confined here, not able to be me for it will offend her and that is why she belittles me and makes me feel insignificant in this world.

Sherril, as of late, is pretty much obsessed with lesbians for she does not get them and sees them as wrong (but Gay men are okay). I do not feel I am a Lesbian for I like men, though in this town, everyone I like either has a girl, has a guy or is gay, so its hard to convince them to be with me. but I do not condemn other's lifestyles and feel they should be allowed to love one another, be it men, women, or both. Love is Love, is it not? I have some friends who are or maybe lesbians or bi and I never really care because its there choice. I don't define my friends by their sexuality, but rather as my friends- sometimes I guess, I would say they have certian qualities, like they are artistic or by a personality, as in they are an outgoing/friendly person, but sexuality has nothing to do with it. Its not because they are gay/bi/les that I like or dislike them.

Someday I will be free from hiding my feelings, be able to tell how I feel about things without fear that my sister will take actions against me or things I hold dear, or twist my words into ugly, demeaning words that they were never meant to be towards another besides herself... Like in Lethbridge when I move XD But for now, I walk on egg shells. Right now I hate living here for fear of her wrath and her words. I hate being accused of have STDs whenever going to the doctor's or just shopping. I hate being told I am deformed for not having a big chest, the proper body or wearing the wrong things makes me a lesbian. I hate being called a whore, or a bitch, or a slut. These are not funny, or Jokes, and I do not find them amusing to the least. Someday, I will tell sherril the truth, and tell her off, and be free... but not any day soon, for I like living, I like my stuff and I rather they not be broken and rather sherril not play the dramatic person who has been wronged. In the end, I will probably tell her nothing, and just drift away from her, pretending I never had a sister...

So, guess who I am mad at? Of course, My sister again.. She is just being a bitch again.. pissing me off hard core.. It was Easter and every two seconds she seems to be bitching about something.. Yesterday she kept coming in my room for no apparent reason besides she could.. So I would be playing on the computer and she's bust in here and stare at me for a bit and then say 'hey' or something stupid and just stand there pissing me off.. One time she comes in with Popcorn and crams big handfuls in her mouth (but oddly misses now and then- How can you miss such a big target?)and flings some everywhere, like on my keyboard and floor, laughs about and wanders off (not picking them up).. so I go harrass her for a change and took like 3 little kernals and dropped one.. and as I go pick it up, she freaks out at me, so I decide to not pick it up because she is getting bitchy about it... and then she starts hitting me for no reason, so I slapped her back and she starts screaming at me for hitting her.. She is super hypocritical like that...she can do it to me, but as soon as it comes back to her, its not tolerable... So I left pissed off, but at least she stopped harrassing me for the rest of the night... But today when she got off work (at 4), she started Harrassing me again, calling me names and just being her normal bitchy self.. This time for using Dad's computer to study my Power Points since I don't have Microsoft Office so I can't look at it on my computer.. we got into an agrument over that.. and about her verbally abusing me, and for me and jon drinking a 1L of Coke in 3 and 1/2 hours. I think David drank some too... why does she care? David bought the pop... And she bitched David out because he didn't get her a Parfait yesterday (because Dad was making a Huge Turkey dinner with all the fixings and dinner which was almost finished and he knew dad would be mad if sherril ate that like an hour before dinner, so he only was willing to get people drinks), and today for not bringing her dinner to her, I don't see a piano tied to her ass, why should he have to? She wanted me to make dinner too, which I would have, but she demanded it to be made on the BBQ and I don't even know how to light the f*cking thing, so I refused, and she got mad at me over it.. and she calls me a slut and just bitches at me for no reason all day and outta the blue...I am not a slut or anything, I hate her accusations and they are not 'cute' or 'funny'... I am sick of it.. I really am.. The only thing she is right about is me needing a job, but she wants me to work in construction lifting heavy shit.. which is not what I see myself doing.. -_-; She needs to fuck off and mind her own business, but she won't... I was soo hoping she would move somewhere like she said she was thinking about.. but now she is thinking about Office or Business Administration so that she can be here for another 2 years... I used to daydream that she would find a man and leave, but I don't think I would wish her upon even my enemies (though she is my only enemy)... I would pity the poor guy she was with.. and she would probably come back after some time because he didn't have enough cash to pay for her lifestyle or grew a back bone and stopped putting up with her shit...Sometimes.. I wish she would just die... I know I am bad for thinking that, but I seriously can't stand her.. I would be soo happy and able to live here if She just FUCKIN LEFT.. I would have a huge party! I would do anything if she would JUST LEAVE.. I try to advoid her for the most part.. but it doesn't always work.. like on days we both have off or when she comes home from work.. Is it too much for her to just leave me alone? I am done ranting now..

I FUCKING HATE YOU SHERRIL!! I HEARD THAT... DAMN YOU!!!
You know what she did? Some charity called for my mom and instead of just saying, she doesn't live here or hang up or something, Sherril says that her daughter, me, (BTW: Sherril is her daughter too...) is here and passes the charity down to me.. FUCKER.. she KNOWS I HAVE NO MONEY AND I HAVE A HARD TIME HANGING UP ON PEOPLE.. I FUCKING HATE YOU SHERRIL!!!!!!!!!

I am tired of complaining.. and yet I just complain ontop, but this time to the person I have compaints with.. she complains soo much about everything.. how life is not perfect.. and I am sick of it.. so I posted my feelings on her whole situation.. so many people tell me there complaints and I am just sick of holding there's and mine, so I posted them all.. all under Anyomanus though.. I fear people hating me over it.. I really do..

But I still hold other people's and my own complaints on other people.. I don't say anything until I am about to burst at the seams, and its not healthy for me to hold them in so long.. Perhaps I will not shy away and actually say my problems/beefs with them... I dunno..

okay, this is the situation..and for once its not my sister...

My brother Jonathan has not been going to school for a LONG time.. my father knew he was not going to some classes but has NO clue that he is no longer in classes all together.. I mean, he is now in a program called 'second chance' but its based basicly that the person gets modules and does them, and jonathan is soo lazy he gets his friend cory to do an Aptitude test for him and then gets even lazier and Doesn't even hand it in.. and he's going to do modules? no.. he won't.. He is going to do what he is doing now: sitting on his ass playing video games.. and my poor dad has no clue.. and I am afraid to tell him because he will get mad and there will be a big argument.. and jonathan may move out like he did before.. but jonathan is soo lazy he has yet to even go get these modules.. he was SUPPOSED TO today.. but instead he played video games, watched Jerry Springer and played on the computer.. he didn't even bother to vote, which I know is his right to choose, but the reason he didn't vote was he was too lazy to walk up to saint pauls, a school that is not even a block away..

Maybe I am just jealous of him.. he gets things and does things and doesn't get in any trouble, but it soo urks me.. How can he do this to himself? has he never heard of short term pain for long term gain? school for some sucks (I actually like it, well not all classes, but usually I like school), but if you can get past the high school part, you can make at least a deciant living.. and its always good to have that diploma and to know that you were able to pass it.. Jonathan is not dumb, he is smart and I think if he worked at it, he could easily make something of himself.. I think he is wasting himself doing this.. Besides hurting himself, he disappoints the family and especially dad..

Dad cares. Something I couldn't say the same for mom.. I always felt that mom cared more for Dovey, her dog, than she did for me when I lived with her, and still she didn't give much care for Dovey... at any rate, Dad does care.. he wants us to suceed and gives us freedom.. if you have any questions or need help, dad is there for you.. he doesn't make us do chores for the most part ( I have to do kitty litter and David has to do trash, but neither sherril or Jon have chores), really and life here is slack (pretty much too slack..), the only thing he really wishes for is for us to suceed and to have an escape plan to leave this place and adventure out on our own.. When we do stuff like dishes, or pass a class, dad is happy and thanks us or shows a great deal of support..

No one seems to care or what to shed some light into this situation as much as I do.. Maybe I am jealous or sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.. I really don't know..

Update:
I am such a bitch! I feel soo dirty.. I told my dad.. But my hopes is that he will cool off before Jon gets home.. PLEASE OH PLEASE... This is going to blow up in my face in one way or another.. I know it.. but I think its for the best.. Dad should know and Jonathan leaving him in the dark was wrong.. its better now then later.. Its going to effect his Nerd fest though.. I know that.. but I rather not all those people in the house, and jon needs to be concerning himself with his studies than playing video games and baking...

Right now I just feel like I am inprisoned within myself, unable to show my true self and I hate it. If I was in a Yoai Manga, I would be the Uke because everyone loves to screw me in the butt (not literally...). I feel like I am in a cage, which my sister rattles every now and then, laughing at me always.

I am yelled at for everything, even about games I play. If not yelled at, laughed at, like when I sing.. and its always the same person who belittles me: My sister. I hate her for it.

I play Animal Crossing, and I played it first. I named the towns and built up homes before she did in the game, yet if I do not do what she wants, she whines at me and I cannot please her anyway, If I pick up the fruit and sell it, she gets mad at me, if I leave the fruit on the ground, she yells at me, if I don't pick up the fruit, she gets mad at me.. anything I do gets her mad at me, but she can destroy the town, chop down the trees or destroy the flowers and that is fine... Its a stupid game...

Then I get yelled at for my clothes.. She claims I hide my clothes on her so she can't wear them, but I didn't do that, though I should because I don't want her wearing them. There mine, why does she have to wear them, she has her own! I tell her not to wear them and she still does.. I buy clothing for myself and she exclaims to her friends, look! I got a new outfit.. I can't get anything for myself without her wearing it.. If that is not enough she gets soo mad at me for clothes I don't even own! She says I have two pairs of studded pants and I have only one.. I don't know what she is talking about..Because I used her mousse, she said she got free reign on them, plus I never wore them.. I wore the pair that I did have yesterday and they were in the dirty hamper, and the "Other" pair she speaks of I have no idea what she is talking about because I have no other pair... Its the same with an old Navy Shirt she says I have... She said I had it and I still have no clue as to what she is talking about... I don't have another one, but she insists I do, and has yet to show me it.. When she can't find it she accuses me of hiding them anyways..

Right now there is a bit of a tiff about Juice. I wanted Juice because I don't drink Lemonade or Ice tea and sherril does. The week before sherril bought nothing but lemonade and Ice tea and that is all we had. I didn't have anything but water, pop and milk to drink (and sherril yelled at us if we drank the milk)... so this week I asked for juice.. and sherril got in a huff about it and we were arguing about it and dad took her side.. mostly because we had clear pop that I could drink this time around.. I really won't go further into this because its just stupid...

Today, Sherril yelled at me for animal crossing, like 3 times, then she yelled at me for clothes,commented about me not having a job, and then called me a bitch about the juice... and my dad, who says he will remain neutral in our fights but never does, took her side, and I went to marian's feeling soo overwelmed and bagered.it really makes me just want to hide.. especially when I say something and it just gets me in more trouble... I can never fight with sherril really because you can talk normally and she will start talking when you do, getting louder and louder to drown you out, especially when you make sense in the argument... Its just easier to agree with her, and because I don't fight back, everyone usually does... There have been quite a few arguments where dad tells me to shut up because I do, if he tells sherril, she starts yelling louder and at him, and when I do listen to dad, she makes a look like "I have won" when she really hadn't, I am just respecting my dad and knowing that our fights are pointless anyway because you'll argue til the cows come home and if I get you mad enough you'll break something of mine... It kinda urks me though why he tells me to shut up but lets her yell her views.. I feel like I am silenced... I REALLY wish she would leave... I heard her talk about someone's lease being up for renewal and that if they don't pay, she might move in with this person.. I really would love it... I get along with everyone else for the most part, but no one gets along with sherril. I can't wait until the day she leaves...

So, for those of you who do not know, I no longer have a job.. I do however have enough to pay for next semester.. I am looking for a job, but for a job that's going to be able to work around my scedule and I will still enjoy.. However this is not to My sister's liking.. I think it is because I would enjoy something that I considered and she doesn't like anyone happy.. I think she delights in everyone around her being miserable, like she is..She has a job she enjoys but they do not give her enough hours.. so She is looking for a second job.. She did get a job offering for a job she would really love, but she turned it down because she is going to school and it was for full time.. I think she is stupid because she is taking classes that she doesn't need. This semester she is taking BIO 20 because she says she needs to "Refresh her memory" Bull Shit in my mind.. Just take BIO 30 and get on with it.. that is what she is taking next semester, that and a few other classes but she has no plans on what she is going to do with these classes... Its just "In case I decide to go on with Schooling" Umm, You hate school and dread every moment of it.. Just go into the work world.. your not going to do anything but that, so Why beat around the bush?? If You take that Business Admistration job you really want, at least you would get experience and for you, that is better than any Schooling.. it gets your foot in the door in the job you want.. So quit fooling yourself.. Quite honesly, I think the only reason she is taking these courses is to stay here with her friends.. I bet Sydney or Jamie have those classes next semester...Not only that, but She is bad with her money and the only thing she is doing honestly, is fooling herself... She is not 20 like all her friends, no matter what she tells them, its not true.. She needs the money for she owes everyone and there dog money and keeps herself in the finacial hole because she "will pay it later" which Credit Card comanies frown on.. you can do that to your friends, but not them... but whatever...
I go on about her because she bothers me soo much.. I pretty much find her an annoying, manipulative pest that needs to leave me alone. She goes on about how we should all keep in touch with each other when we move out and I plan to do it with everyone BUT HER.. She talks about how we should live in the same city and blah blah blah.. News Flash! I plan to live AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE... I guess I should tell why I am mad at her this time though...

On Friday, because she was going, I too had to go job hunting. She basicly drove me around and I didn't hand out a single resume.. my heart was definatly not in it.. then again today I was forced to go job hunting and because I was not doing anything (handing out resumes) again She was totally bitching at me... You need to pay for school next year.. yeah? that is a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR AWAY.. I can scrounge up 2K by then, I know I can.. Why can't she just leave me alone? Anyway, as she was bitching, I unbuckled my seat belt and got out.. I hanged around the mall for a bit then went home.. I was looking for a gift for Ian but didn't find one.. Jon did give me an idea though so I will have to get that before Monday.. :p She is mad at me and will probably bitch to dad about it, but whatever.. I already talked to him this morning.. She really needs to get out of my life and worry about hers.. When I do get another job, I plan on NOT telling her so she will bitch and moan and cry to daddy that I don't have a job, while I sit there and laugh my ass off at her because I do and she is stupid... Childish? Yes, most indefinatly, but fun? Oh god yes! and Why is it she would care anyway? My life is mine, she has no part in it.. so GET OVER IT SHERRIL!!

Okay, this morning sherril was all like "Kristine, Do You love me?" and before I realised what was going on I knew something was wrong. I go down stairs to sherril wearing my pink old navy shirt and I was going to be SICK. It was soo gross! She was stretching it too the max and you could SEE EVERYTHING.. it might as well have been see-through (which intentionally its not!). It sickens me when she wears my clothing. She always brings up how about 3 years ago I would wear her clothing and yes, this is true but its also true that that year she was the one who I was supposed to use her credit card to buy clothes for school and because of this, she dictated what I could buy and what I couldn't. Most of the clothes I didn't like and wore hers because I liked them more than the ones she let me buy.. I have grown to love them now, but I was unhappy about them then... I really dispise her and so NO SHERRIL I DON'T LOVE YOU! I get really mad at her and I am soo cold to her for all the things she does to me.. She is Emotionally, Verbally and even sometimes physically abusive and I hate her for it! She has her nice moments but not often... and usually there is a motive to her niceness. I hate talking to her because we get into arguments and she threatens me, breaks my stuff and threatens to kill my cats.. How can I love someone who is soo cruel?!

My Sister is being Civil to me but she can forget about her apology, she's not going to get it. I was bored today so I checked out her's, Syd's and Jamies and on hers she said she will be civil but she expects me to apologize and I am not... She would have to apologize for trying to destroy my stuff first.

School is not going to well. I just wrote my midterm in nursing and that was alright except for one question on Primary Health Care Principles where I forgot which one the P was.. and the question on the scenerio that was based on Lab 4 and sadly, it was worth 20 marks alone.. I nearly cried when I saw it.. All I could write was a bunch of BS down and hope for the best.. I might get some marks out of it. I got 54% on my psychology and a D in Anatomy's Midterm and that alone was depressing... I still have to write my essay that is due at the end of this month. I did hand in a bunch of crap on the 11th but I have a better one in mind and will spend some time tomorrow doing it. We'll see how things go...

Work isn't going well either. I have been thinking of quitting for awhile now. Work isn't what it used to be. Besides April, Alyssa and Keesha, I don't care for most of the people at work. I have lost a great deal of respect for Michelle with her accusations and paranoia. She isn't much of a manager as everyone there has no work ethics..

The major reason for this livejournal is to be able to say what I want and my thoughts to be written down without having certian family members find out, for they scream, hit, throw things at me and destroy my possessions.

Right now that family member and I are in a fight for two separate reasons that have intermingled. one was the trip to and from Regina and the other is money.

I agreed to go with her to visit my grandparents and family in Regina and we did that around thanksgiving break. I was helping her by going because she hates travelling alone. On the trip down she repeataly hit me when there were signs that said we were closer, and I did ask her to stop. She also went on the grids on the road just to annoy me, but we made it to Regina without incident. While I was down I had a great deal of fun with my mother, grandparents and great grandma, though not with my sister, who tried to boss me around wherever we went. But the real kicker was the trip back home. At first I sat upfront with her but I didn't say much and she assumed I was mad. She hit me once again about the sign saying we are closer and I sat in the back. It was better in the back for I had a essay due in Nursing and I started to work on that. It was windy both days (trip down and back up, drove one day straight to get there and another back) that we were on the road but my sister handled the road much better on the first trip down. On the way back, however she was on the phone and trying to change the CDs for we had very little reception for the radio and couldn't get any good stations. I didn't mind it at first, but when she turned into the cross section that led us up to Fort McMurray instead of Edmonton, that was when I got scared. The other drivers were passing us as though we were standing still and we were going 120 most of the time. It was only a one lane situation, already dark and they were passing even when there was oncoming traffic. So, there are manicks on the road, speeding, and doing crazy shit, a nice wind, little visability for it was dark, so what does my sister do? She calls up a friend and starts yammering about how she won't tell them a secret, but eventually does, and then starts flipping through her cd case for a new cd to listen too... I was terrified! I honestly didn't think we were going to make it! We spent a great deal on the grids, not because she was trying to annoy me, but because she was distracted! I wrote something small and simple in my other livejournal, thinking it would not bother her so and she got pissed about it, but I think she was more pissed that I made it so she couldn't comment on the journal. She first started beating on the door of the bathroom swearing at me, then when I didn't respond, threw around my water bottle a bit but its one of those indestructable ones that you can run them over with a car and they wouldn't break, but she was hoping it would break...

Second, is that she owes me money. She first owed me 80 dollars for I gave it to her when she and a friend were going to Edmonton and told her to buy me pants for work and a certain kitty litter box I wanted called a 'booda'. When she came back she had neither pants or kitty litter box, or the money I gave her, this was back in febuary I think. She claimed she didn't see the kitty litter box (which when I went down there a few months later, I found right away, and even asked the lady working there how long she had them and she said they have had them for a year now) and didn't know my pants size, well my size has not changed since I was in grade 8.. I am in college now.. and if it fit her, I could wear it.. Then, in late september/early october, she needed money for her and some friends were going to a concert in Edmonton and she blew a tire on her van or something like that.. I really didn't want to give her money but I knew that if I didn't it would ruin it for her friends and I like some of her friends. They are nice people and it would be sad that they can't go because my sister doesn't inspect her van and I didn't want them mad at me for not giving her money to fix or buy a new one, so I agreed once my sister promised me she'd pay me back on October 13th. She said that infront of everyone I worked with. She needed the money right then and there, so I had to use an ATM that costed me feakin' 4 dollars more and I didn't even get a thank you.. October 13th came and went and she then said at the end of the month, to which she said infront of dad and I, and then it was "we'll talk about it later because you'll owe me for going on this trip" WTF? how do I owe you? Dad is paying 200 dollars for gas and you bought me one meal on the trip and one that was with mom and I didn't even ask you to, it was your choice. It probably costed you less than 100 dollars for gas and I offered you 40 dollars.. that still meant that you owed me 140 dollars.. I did "steal" that for dad left some gas money for the trip, to which I knew you didn't need.. But taking dad's advice I told you and you started screaming at me for I wouldn't give that back.. And you threw your necklace at me. I wanted the money to buy christmas gifts, while you didn't need it but wanted it for you said 'what if there is a problem and I need that 140 dollars?' and she refused to drive me home until I gave it back. I spent 40 of it at the casino (it was all in cash), so I gave her the hundred back but she promised when we got back home, the minute we were home she would pay me back and said she would say it infront of grandma so I had a witness. I didn't bother for I knew her, that would not happen, witness or not. I knew she didn't need the money for she told me she had enough in her bank account to get to and from and she had a credit card to buy what she wanted. I wanted to go home and because she was subborn, I had to give it back. Now, since I wrote about her driving (and not in detail), she refuses to pay me back until I apologize. She even called my dad to get him on her side. She kinda did for he knew that driving the van was difficult (he owned it first) when its windy but he didn't know she was on her phone or any of the other info, and that she has refused to pay me the money until I apologized, to which he said I didn't need to when I talked to him.


The rest of the family is trying to stay neutral, which I am very greatful about. I rather not get this little tiff into a family affair. I find it funny that she does try to get them on her side though. I also find it funny how she finds that screaming at someone, destroying there stuff and hitting is a higher level than commenting in a normal voice and keeping quiet when the other person would rather hurt you or your stuff then deal with the issue. She says she won't 'stoop to my level'. She calls me a coward, and maybe I am, but I don't resort to threatening to kill people's cats or destroying there stuff to resolve an issue. You can't talk to her calmly and tell her what's wrong for she jumps off the deepend and yells at you and enjoys nothing better then demolishing a person's stuff to get back at them... And then she wonders why I don't tell her what's wrong? I used to tell her when I was mad when I was little and my toys got destroyed or she ruined them, like pouring pop on them, to get back at me. I find writing it down very theraputic and love the idea of a hidden livejournal because she can easily read a journal I had in my room, like she used to.. and when i wrote something bad enough, they disappeared... But I shouldn't dwell on the past, for I have learned from it.. saying things to her is only going to cause problems that I don't need. She stresses me out and I hope she fails Bio so she will try elsewhere.. OUT OF HERE.. It would make me soo happy...

I'd Like to thank my best friend though.. she listened to this rant and I kept interupting her. I wish all the best for her and hope her friend will get things all sorted out. I wonder how sneaking her friend into her room will go.. hopefully better than that time we tried to sneak that cat in... I do have a kinda suggestion.. it works here all the time: have your friend 'sleep over' a couple of nights a week. and she will become the 'third daughter' like your brother is our 'third son' here. If your parents ask any questions, just tell them she is having problems at home and needs a place to stay a couple nights a week. I doubt they will say much.. just a suggestion..

New journal that won't be censored. I will say what I want on this one... Don't read if you don't wanna know.. Post more right later...